‘Celebrity Splash’ – Where Television Goes To Die (..Or Drown)

celebrity_splash_logoI’m sorry Lowdowners but seriously having to endure what would have to be the most ill conceived and non thought out ‘game’ show tonight I had to put fingers to keys. Channel Seven’s horrendously cheap and utterly uninspired CELEBRITY SPLASH, based on a Netherlands show called STERREN SPRINGEN (Stars Jump!), was an assault on every single definition of public broadcasting I can think of.

The format: Get ‘celebrities’ to dive and then waste 5 minutes either side with innocuous, brain dead chatter. Oh wait hang on they then get ‘judged’ by 2 former Olympic champion divers (Greg Loganis and Matthew Mitcham – both clearly desperate for cash) and a skier? They get judged on ‘technique’ and ‘courage’ but that’s all rendered moot when the voting is done by the audience anyway.

The whole thing is hosted by Larry Emdur and that chick he does the morning show with. But with absolutely nothing to work with and no decent scripting the only thing that gets a 10 out of 10 with this train wreck is the consistency of dead air.

In between said ‘celebrities’ all talking about how scared they are EVERY TIME they step on the platform it’s just wave after wave of stifled anecdotes, sweeping shots of the pool, blue light disco lighting, 2 completely miscast hosts, a wall of ‘where-are-you-from-again?’ celebrities and 3 listless, bored judges tying to be like American Idol panelists. It’s actually nauseating.

This is a cheap and ill advised TV show that I can only think someone lost a bet and were forced to produce it.

This is where television goes to die. And I bet it rated through the roof.

Oh Australia for the love of all the out of work actors, production people, animators, anyone, Tune out of this rubbish.