Alice’s 2 Line Review — Total Recall — The Best Tech-Porn Since Iron Man. Sit Back, Slacken Jaw, Enjoy.

You could do worse than kill 118 minutes with this mush-brained Bladerunner-lite. Director Len Wiseman has a great time getting Kate Beckinsale (his wife) to scowl deeply while wielding a great many guns and maintaining a perfect mane of hair. He has less luck with Colin Farrell, who remains fairly anaesthetised no matter how many things are on fire in his immediate vicinity.

That’s fine though — the real stars are the people who came up with the all super-shiny tech that pops up in every scene (just don’t think too hard about how it all works). The giant score also helps to make things seem a lot more exciting than they actually are — turn the sound down and you might as well be watching an episode of The Jetsons with more explosions.

Plot-wise, this is so different from the 1990 Total Recall that it’s almost cheeky of Wiseman to have used the same name. So don’t worry that your memories of Arnie’s adventures on Mars are going to be sullied. Just leave your critical thinking skills at the door.